Breaking news out of Connecticut: word has leaked that the entire Senators team was poisoned by chicken parms. After Pageau scored 4 goals with 2 large chicken parms in his gut, the rest of the team thought they should do the same. Craig Anderson led the lads down a back street in Harlem and said, "I heard this place makes the best chicken parm you guys, it's called Chicken Restaurant". When they arrived, it was a little tent on top of a sewer. "Craig....I think we're lost?" asked Guy Boucher. But then a man stepped out of the tent and yelled, "WELCOME TO CHICKEN RESTAURANT, WHERE ALL YOUR DREAMS WILL COME TRUE." This man was naked from the waist down. "NOW WHAT CAN I GET YOU BOYS? SOME NICE CHICKEN PENNE?" screamed the man. "Craig? Let's get out of here, I'm scared..." said Mike Condon. "Me and the boys will take 2 chicken parms each please!" exclaimed Anderson.
The man then removed the manhole cover and lowered a rope and dragged up a large barrel. "These chickens are THE BEST. Aged beautifully," said the haggard naked man. "OMG WHAT'S THAT SMELL?" screamed Bobby Ryan.
The man pulled out a large frying pan and a George Foreman grill. "This may take a long time boys, only can cook 2 at a time. Why don't you take a seat? Take a load off. Just watch the broken glass there.." Ryan Dzingel started to cry a little but he knew he had to eat before the game. Finally, after 6 hours, the boys each had their parms.
"Not bad Craig......a little chewy.." said Methot. The boys scarfed down this incredulous meal knowing that a full belly before a game was important. When they were finished, Craig licked his fingers right clean and shook the naked man's hand. "This next win is for you," Craig said confidently. As they started to walk towards MSG for the game, a slight odour started to emerge from the group. They looked at each other suspiciously, hoping each other wouldn't notice. Suddenly, Zack Smith sat down on the curb clutching his belly. "Guys, I think my insides are bleeding!" he exclaimed in horror. "Oh come on guys, it's just the paprika. A little gas won't hurt you," explained Craig. "Guys.....something's wrong," said a voice from the back. Brassard was standing straight tall, his eyes were wide and his face was turning green. "DERICK? Are you ok??" asked Erik Condra worriedly. Brassard slowly shook his head. He knew what was happening and he couldn't stop it... The entire team started seizing their bellies, groaning in pain. Mark Borowiecki started to breath angrily and he lunged at Craig Anderson. "This is YOUR FAULT, CRAIG!!!!"
The whole team had the shits, but sometimes you just have to push through.....unfortunately they came up short against the Rangers that night. So let this be a lesson to you guys. Never AND I MEAN NEVER, eat chicken from the sewer.