On opening night of the NHL season, the Ottawa Senators did not play. But guess what? They played the next night. As I watched number 58 skating around like he owned the place, I wondered to myself, “When did Mario Lemieux come back to hockey?” It turns out it wasn’t Super Mario, it was rookie Max Lajoie. His slick moves made me feel funny on the inside and the outside. Who is Max? Where did he come from? How is he so good at hockey? Please come with me as I explore.
Max Lajoie was born an orphan and was raised by a family of wolves. But soon he had to leave his home as the fearsome tiger Shere Khan came after him and tried to eat him. He was guided by a bear voiced by Bill Murray and even had to fight a snake that could hypnotize you with swirly eyes. Then he saw a hockey stick and fell in love and the animals were sad because they knew he had to leave the jungle.....
Larry? That doesn’t sound right. That kinda sounds like The Lion King.
Anyways, Max Lajoie made his way to the Canadian Tire Center wearing nothing but a rag as underpants. He approached the desk and said, “Hi, I would like to play hockey for the Ottawa Senators”. The girl called security and they had to drag him out screaming. But Max Lajoie refused to leave the property. He picked up his hockey stick and hit a rock so hard that the rock landed in the Rideau Canal causing a wave so big that it capsized the Beavertail shack.
Pierre Dorion was sipping a fine dark roast Hortons, when he happened to look out the 4th floor window. What he saw was absolutely insane. No, he didn’t see Max shooting a rock. He saw two seagulls going at it....
Larry? This story doesn’t make a lot of sense. Wasn’t like Max Lajoie drafted and then made the team the old fashioned way?
Guy Boucher got out of his car and saw Max shooting the rocks. He couldn’t believe his eyes, so he rubbed them and whispered, “Is that the Chosen One?”
Guy gave Max some clothes and some hot chocolate. He sat him down and asked him if he knew how to skate. Max just stared back at him cross-eyed. Guy knew that only one person could harness the power of Max and turn him into a hockey player. He dialed a really long 15 digit number and the name he had saved to his contacts appeared .....”Erik Condra and the Boyz”....
To be continued..