Yesterday marked the beginning of the 55th Annual Rookie Camp that the Senators have participated in. Many of Ottawa's past and present superstar players have participated in the important event, such as Spezza, Karlsson, Stone, and Bochenski. If you can make a name for yourself in this Camp, it gives you a greater opportunity to make the NHL.
Yesterday, an unknown, undrafted rookie showed up to camp uninvited and proceeded to put on a display of hockey skills that blew the minds of Sens management and coaches. Who was this man? Where did he come from? How has he kept his special skills secret this long? This is the story of the Unknown Hockey Rookie
The rookies got off the bus and lined up to enter the CTC to begin Camp. Many familer faces adorned the crowd: Chabot, White, Brown, and even Hogberg. But there was one rookie no one recognized. He stood at the back of the line and had a big bushy beard. Guy Boucher called the players into the CTC one at a time. When he got to the mystery man, he said, "JUST WHO IN THE HELL ARE YOU?"
"I am no one. I am everyone. Let me pass" said the rookie
Guy Boucher, as if under a trance, moved aside and said, "Thou bidding shall be done" and then he got naked and ran to Costco for a dog.
The players entered the dressing room to suit up and many were giddy at the sight of the mighty Senators logo. The mystery rookie sat in cold silence. Logan Brown, being a leader, tried to break the ice to try and make the new rookie comfortable.
"Hi, my name is Logan Brown, First Round pick, welcome to camp, what is your name" he said as he extended his hand for a shake.
The mystery man took Logan by the arm, lifted him in the air, and threw him head first through the window. Glass shattered violently and Marc Crawford screamed in disgust. Everyone went silent, and the rookie turned to the crowd and said, "Anyone else want to introduce themselves?"
No one said a word while they put on their gear. Marc Crawford should have ended practice right there, considering Guy Boucher had gone missing and left all of his clothes at the front door, including mesh underwears, and that the fact Logan Brown was lying in a pool of shattered glass and blood unconscious. But Marc liked the rookie's Never-Say-Die attitude. He wanted to see what the rookie could do on the ice before he called the authorities.
When the rookies hit the ice, the mystery man put on a dazzling display of hockey skills that made him seem like the son of Wayne Gretzky and Bobby Orr. It is possible for a man to birth a baby. Have you seen the movie Junior. Arnold got pregnant. The mystery rookie scored at will and even one of his shots legit caught the net on fire, and Marcus Hogberg got 3rd degree burns on both legs.
Up in the press box, Pierre Dorion was losing his mind. "WHO IN THE F IS THAT GUY?? WE NEED TO SIGN HIM TO AN 8 YEAR CONTRACT IMMEDIATELY. IT'S AS IF WAYNE GRETZKY AND BOBBY ORR HAD A BABY. IT'S POSSIBLE RANDY LEE, HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE JUNIOR????" yelled Dorion
All of the rookies bowed down to the mystery wizard and started to do the Wayne's World "We're not worthy" motion. The mystery man then took off his beard and then whistled as loud as he could. OMG IT WAS ERIK CONDRA. The whistle signaled the Boz to come out and they immediately took the players hostage.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH GUY BOUCHER YOU BASTARD?!" screamed Marc Crawford.
Suddenly, Guy Boucher steps on the ice, but dressed in the Boyz colours. HE WAS ONE OF THEM!
"YOU BRAINWASHED HIM YOU BASTARD" screamed Francis Perron
One of the Boyz brought down Dorion and made him kneel in front of King Condra.
"Hello Pierre. LOOK AT ME. Here is an 8 year contract. And you're gonna sign it, and I will FINALLY be back in the NHL HAHAHAHAHAHA" said Condra.
Out of nowhere, there was a big explosion at the other end of the ice, and when the smoke settled, there was standing Daniel Alfredsson and Randy Cunneyworth.
"NO NO NOOOOOOOOO" screamed Condra. "GET THEM BOYZ!!"
All the Boyz rushed Alfie and Cunneyworth but they were quickly dispatched. Alfredsson can shoot lasers from his eyes, and Cunneyworth can summon the wind to blow his enemies away.
And then the lights turned on in the CTC and it was Ralph the janitor standing there. Upon seeing the situation on the ice, he yells, "WELL FUCK THIS I DON'T NEED THIS JOB"
To be continued.....