It's official folks, Chad The Researcher just got off the phone with his insider. The Ottawa Senators have decided to adopt the Heritage jersey full-time. This has been a long time coming, as fans have clamoured for the change since the day it came out. But what do the actual players think of the jersey controversy? Well I sent out Chad to find out just that!
"Listen buddy, do you have $5 I can borrow? I need to take the bus to visit my mom. LOL just kidding, I need to buy my beer and get DRUNK WOOOOOWEEEEE"
"I think I like clothes in general. It keeps you warm and protects you from the elements. I also think........WHOA! DID YOU SEE THAT?? IT CAME SHOOTING ACROSS THE SKY. THAT WAS A UFO MAN THAT SHIT IS REAL. THE GOVERNMENT IS HIDING IT FROM US. YOU CAN'T HIDE THE TRUTH, NO GIVE ME THE MIC"....(garbled recording)
"Get the FUCK AWAY FROM ME"
"A New Jersey?? That's a city right? In the Americas. Hahahaha come over here buddy, I want to show you my pet rat. His name is Joseph. HEY JOSEPH, GET THE FUCK OUT HERE, WE HAVE A GUEST"
"I don't know nothing about heritage but I'll tell you what, I didn't set that fire. The courts got it wrong. They took everything from me. I've lost my youth"
"Give me your wallet. GIVE ME YOUR WALLET AND YOU WON'T GET HURT MISTER"
"I don't care what sweaters we wear to be honest. My main concern is finding a pair of pants. These ones are ripped to shit. Look here buddy! You can see my balls hahahahaha"(coughing fit ensues)
"I live in the woods man. I live with the squirrels and if you listen close enough, they can talk. They say "chirp chirp.....chirp chirp"
"Beer store opens in 4 minutes buddy. And you're gonna go in there and buy me beer. And if you don't, I will rip the leg off your body and beat you within an inch of your life. DON'T TEST ME"
"Oh yeah? We're going with the O? The only O I know if the O-Ring. And right now it's on FIRE after that Taco Bell I found in the dumpster"
"I cheer for the Leafs man. LEAFS 4 LIFE. NOW GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I CHOKE YOU"
"I want my wife and family back. If I smarten up, get a job, I can move back home. But the problem is I love vodka. I love vodka so much, it makes me feel good"
"GET HIM WHISKERS SICK HIM" (Dog growls and snarles, vicious sounds of a man screaming and the sound of bones breaking, sirens heard.....end of recording)
Chad?? Did you actually interview the players? I mean the players that play for the Senators? Those weren't the Senators Chad. Why did you go to Lanark?? CHAD?? Oh god Chad what have you done?