*Breaking news hot off the bRian press*
Chad The Researcher has just handed me a story that may drastically alter the upcoming season for The Senators. Apparently, Guy Boucher was graciously offered movie passes by Landmark Cinemas to watch a screening of the new horror hit 'IT'. If you don't know, 'IT' is a remake of the godawful made-for-tv movie based off the story of a killer clown written by the guy who wrote Maximum Overdrive. Guy Boucher was eager to see the movie so he accepted the tickets, no questions asked. It is believed he brought Thomas Chabot as his plus one. Which is weird I think? Like, Guy Boucher knew how badly Ryan Dzingel wanted to see this movie, yet, he took the young rookie who states his favorite movie is 'Notting Hill'. There's politics behind this decision, I know it.
Guy Boucher and Thomas Chabot walk into the theater and realize there is only one other person in there: Phil Kessel. "Oh hey guys, you excited to watch the movie?", said Phil
"I am excited, yet a little nervous, because clowns scare me", said Thomas Chabot
"WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?? THIS IS THE DISNEY MOVIE 'SING'. YOU'RE AN IDIOT", screamed Phil Kessel
"Excuse me, Phil? I don't mean to interrupt, but this isn't the movie 'SING', it's the movie 'IT', about a supernatural clown that kills people", said Guy Boucher
Suddenly, all the blood drained from Phil Kessel's face, and all the Skittles he was holding scattered to the floor. Kessel then proceeded to piss himself and Guy Boucher screamed, "SOMEBODY CALL 911." But, there was no one to call 911, because Thomas Chabot forgot his phone, and Guy Boucher forgot to pay his Wind Mobile bill.
"Phil Kessel will be okay, he just pissed himself and passed out. I call that Tuesday", said Thomas Chabot.
The two took their seats as the movie was about to start, leaving Phil Kessel on the floor passed out. The previews start, it's a trailer for Transformers part 6 : Megatron is Still Alive, Only This Time He's a Dinosaur.
"I like Transformers, because that's what I did with the team. I 'Transformed' them into defensive juggernauts", said Guy Boucher
"That's great coach, but you cut me and I like to play offense, so I disagree with your systems, plus I personally dislike you. I'm only here because it's free", said Thomas Chabot
"Fair enough Thomas. Oh, quiet, the movie is starting", muttered Boucher
The screen turns blood red and that scary song starts playing. The camera zooms out to reveal a singular red balloon and Pennywise the Clown is holding it. He say's 'WE ALL FLOAT DOWN HERE'
Guy Boucher immediately leaves the theater, calls UBER and heads to the airport. On the way, he rings Pierre Dorion (he had to borrow buddy's cell because he didn't pay Wind Mobile).
"Pierre? It's me Guy, I quit. I saw the movie 'IT' and I can't stay in the City of Ottawa no more. F THAT PIERRE F THAT! YOU DON'T MESS WITH CLOWNS PIERRE YOU DON'T DO IT", screamed a distraught Guy Boucher
"But Guy.....where is Thomas Chabot??", asked Dorion
"OH.....NOOOOOOOOO", screams Guy Boucher
Cut to that afternoon, Pittsburgh Penguins hold a press conference introducing their new player Thomas Chabot! Phil Kessel raises Chabot's arm and everyone claps. Phil Kessel looks over his shoulder at the camera behind him and smiles an evil smile and his eyes are glowing green, and you can hear Vincent Price laughing away in the background