Many pundits believe the Ottawa Senators are in big trouble and stand no chance beating the god-like New York Rangers. Today, they play the pivotal Game 5, and despite the gloom and doom, if the Sens win, they'll lead the series and will bring their chances on moving on to the final at 32%!! If you guys remember, I made a motivational video during the Sens vs Habs series years ago, where I gave 5 important keys to a victory. The Sens came out that night and DOMINATED, thus giving me legend status. On a side note, my Granny crashed Joel's truck directly into the side of the house which ejected her body through the windshield. Anyhoo, without further ado, I present to you, the 5 Keys to a Sens victory
5. Don't not score more goals than the New York Rangers. Pretty simple really, take the puck and put it in the back of the net. Too be honest, they should have been doing that more often in the previous games, but no, they decided they didn't want to? "But bRian, it's not so easy, they have Henrik Lundqvist in nets" you may say. Well, he can't save what he can't see, so why not put sand directly into his eyes?
4. Lure Mats Zuccarello away by leaving a trail of Smarties. This worked in the movie E.T except he used Reese's Pieces. I used Smarties because Mats has seen that movie like 44 times and if he saw Reese's Pieces, he'd catch on and probably call the cops. I'd trail the Smarties all the way out to the middle of Arnprior where there's only one Wendy's restaurant, leaving him to his own devices.
3. Guy Boucher should make Codi Ceci return his George brand suit to Walmart before the game. Pierre Dorion loves Ceci so Boucher can't scratch him outright. Guy should ploy to send Cody Ceci to Walmart to return his beloved George brand suit WITHOUT A RECEIPT. This process takes hours, I should know, I do it every Saturday with a bag full of clothes from Value Village.
2. Turn off the hot water in the Rangers dressing room to get under their skin. Imagine, Rick Nash is taking his daily dump, he finishes up, pulls the lever, and out shoots -20 water from the bidet and into his butt area. He screams and yells "I'M SO ANGRY. I AM NO LONGER FOCUSED ON THE GAME COACH. THIS WILL AFFECT MY PERFORMANCE AND WE MOST LIKELY WON'T WIN NOW"
1. Sign Jason York to a 1 day contract.Why not have the greatest defenceman to ever lace up the skates for the Senators sign a 1 game contract? Imagine, York skating out on the ice, spotlight following him and the entire Rangers team pee in their hockey shorts a little? "Who's that??" asks Zibanejad. "That, is Jason "The Terror" York," whispers Alain Vigneault, who begins to slow clap. Bonus, I wouldn't have to blindfold granny for today's game like I usually do because she has no idea he retired.