1. When he comes over to my house, he always pees on the floor BESIDE the toilet, and then blames it on Whiskers The Dog. My dog is potty trained you idiot
2. When we were kids, he stole my Playboy Magazine and then gave it to my 3rd grade math teacher and told her that I had it at my desk. I was suspended and he laughed and laughed until Karma came and he went through the windshield of his car that summer, major brain damage
3. No matter what time or day it is, I always get a glimpse of his balls, even in the winter. HIS PANTS ARE TOO SLACK. No one wants to see your ballsack Gary. Except maybe a specialized ballsack doctor? Do those exist?
4. When he eats Triscuits, small little pieces always end up in his moustache and then when he talks to you, he likes to get real close to your face. So little Triscuit crumbs always fly into your mouth and then you don't even warn him, you just take out a knife and stab him a little bit
5. For some reason, Gary has a way with the ladies. He takes off his shirt and shows off his washboard abs and they go crazy. But when I take off my shirt, someone always yells, "OH FUCK RIGHT OFF"
6. He uses my toothbrush to clean his Adidas and while he does it, he sings, "ALL DAY I DREAM ABOUT SEX HAHAHAHAHAH" And then I take a broom, snap it in half, and just start wailing on him. It's worth going to jail for
7. Gary says he invented fire. He's an idiot
8. Everytime we go to dinner, he always says, "Geez bRian, I forgot my wallet.....excuse me waiter? I'LL TAKE THE FILLET MIGNON AND DUCK CONFIT AND KEEP THE WINE A FLOWING HAHAHAHAHA" And them I take my fork and stick it in his eyeball. That is why Gary now has a lazy eye
9. On Hortons Camp Day, Gary bought Starbucks and said, "I want to send a corporate shill on a camping trip. When do they ever get to go camping?" And then I take a......well....you get the idea
10. Even though Gary does all these annoying things and makes me get violent against him, he's still my cousin, and I love him with all my heart. Just kidding, I HATE HIS FUCKING GUTS