When Chris Kunitz scored that double-overtime goal, the heart of Ottawa was broken. People react differently when they have their heart broken. Some crawl up in a little ball in their basement and cry, some take a baseball bat and destroy all Sens memorabilia they have in their house. OR, some people do both. But sometimes, when something so devastating happens, the person's brain will snap in order to allow the person to be protected by the devastating truth. Science calls this process Einsteinism. (Chad?)
As the Penguins all jumped on the ice to celebrate the Kunitz goal, all the Senators could do was stand there in shock. All that time and hard work made the end result a hard pill to swallow. Just then, Mike Hoffman made a strange sound. It sounded like a thousand voices screaming all at once, kinda like when that planet in Star Wars exploded. And then the players heard a loud snap, followed by a crackle and a pop. Hoffman smiled and yelled "WOOOO WE DID IT BOYS".
Guy Boucher began dragging Mike Hoffman down the hallway, all the while Mike kept raising his stick in the air in a celebratory manner. "GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF HASSELHOFF" Boucher yelled as he threw a glass of water in Mike's face. Mike stood up and said "Geez, take it easy guys. Why is everyone crying? I'm getting chicken wings tonight."
Mike then walked out of the CTC holding his bag and sticks but he was completely butt naked. He walked all the way home and turned on the TV to watch the game highlights. As soon as he saw the Kunitz goal, he began to do the MC Hammer dance and he knew the exact choreography. He did this for 34 hours straight.
Suddenly, Hoffman was jolted awake. He looked around to see where he was. He was on a plane. He asks the girl sitting beside him, "Where are we going?". The lady pulls the book away from her face to reveal that she is actually mega-superstar Carrie Underwood. "Why, we are headed to beautiful Nashville sweet sugar pie" said Carrie. Hoffman was stunned. How did he get here? Why was he headed to Nashville? Didn't the Senators lose? He thought again: didn't we lose? Suddenly, a little figure appeared on his right shoulder. It was a miniature Kyle Turris dressed in white. Turris goes, "Mike, we lost buddy. It's over. Even if we won, we wouldn't be going to Nashville."
But wait! A second figure appears, this time on his left shoulder. It's a miniature Erik Condra, dressed in red. He goes, "Forget that wack job and his advice. Go to Nashville and win that Stanley Cup buddy. Also, play with fire and burn things Mike. BURN THINGS." Mike then stood up and screamed "ENOUGH!!!" He looks down and realizes he's holding an acoustic guitar. He doesn't know how to play, but suddenly, he's playing Garth Brooks Thunder Rolls chord for chord. Everyone on the plane starts swaying back and forth and then Carrie Underwood stands up with a microphone and wails into the mic, "THE THUNDER ROLLS, AND THE LIGHTNIN' STRIKES. ANOTHER LOVE GROWS COLD ON A SLEEPLESS BIGHT. AS THE STORM BLOWS ON, OUT OF CONTROL. DEEP IN HER HEART, THE THUNDER ROLLS."
Mike Hoffman has moved to Nashville to become a country music star. The end. Or is it.............SNAP, CRACKLE, POP KELLOGS RICE CRISPIES