I am sick and tired of all this talk about how The Ottawa Senators are the most boring thing on this planet. People say they legit fall asleep watching them play. Who are these people? Maybe they have serious medical issues because from what I've seen, they are anything BUT boring. In fact, they are literally the opposite of boring: non-boring. To put things in perspective, I've come up with a list of things that are way more boring than The Ottawa Senators. Maybe after reading this, you'll change your mind. Or seek medical attention.
Being sedated and riding a roller coaster
Imagine being at Canada's Wonderland, and you've been standing in line for hours just to ride Top Gun, when suddenly, you get shot by an elephant tranquilizer. But you're all like, "I waited to damn long to ride this ride. I will risk my own death just to get on." So you get on, and as it starts to ascend, your body goes limp and you're out cold. And because your body has no control, you're thrown from the coaster and land a mile away. Peace out. Now that's boring as shit.
Waiting for your dog to not be constipated
"Come one Whiskers, just go man. Law and Order starts in 5 minutes. I'll give you a treat? COME ON GET GOING. I'M SERIOUS WHISKERS GO SHIT ALREADY. WHISKERS? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?........down doggy. DOWN DOGGY. WHISKERS NOOOOOOO HELP MEEEEEEEEE". (Blackness comes)
Being the guy in charge of cleaning the Sens players underwears
You think watching hockey is boring? Try washing sweat soaked unders for a living. And you have to use a blue light to find the tough stains. And imagine for no reason at all, you're not allowed to eat food on the job? Eating food is the most fun thing ever, and buddy has to clean unders without being able to have snacks. Rethink your life before you complain.
Going to outer space
These poor fools that have to travel to space and there's no HBO up there. There's NOTHING UP THERE. You can't even light fires and no one can hear you scream! But did you know there are secret bases built on the far side of the moon? Who built them? Why are they there? What is their plan? It's so boring to think about that.
Counting individual rain drops
Imagine you're JJ Clarke, and you have to get up at 4am, sit outside, and literally count every single rain drop? Oh, and if you miss one, you're straight up fired and you'll never work in this town again. How do you think they know the exact amount of millilitres of rain that has dropped? You guys have no idea what boring is.
Watching Freddy Got Fingered
Just kidding, that movie is actually surprisingly funny as FACK and I had a great time watching it.
Being Ryan Dzingel's hairdresser
"So I woke up this morning, I sat up in bed, I was still in bed at that moment. It's a king sized bed FYI. I turned to the side, put on my slippers, one foot at a time of course. I slowly began to rise and when I was fully standing, I began to walk towards the washroom so that I could : 1. Brush my teeth 2. Have a pee. 3. Turn on the shower........"
"SHUT THE FUCK UPPPPP I QUIT CHERYL. I FUCKING QUIT FIRST CHOICE HAIRCUTTERS. I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT"
"Whoa.....what was her problem? Geez. Anyways where was I? Oh yeah 5. Clean the blackheads off my nose."
Being a Sens blogger
Imagine how boring it is to write shitty blog posts? Imagine how boring it would be to read those posts? Yeah, boring as shit. Those guys need to get a life.....wait a second Chad? I AM A SENS BLOGGER!? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL HERE? CHAD? Chad???? OMG CHAD ISN'T BREATHING.