So here we are: Ottawa vs. Pittsburgh for the 14th time in the playoffs. LAME. However, there are a few intriguing storylines heading into the Eastern Conference Final. For example; Methot's severed finger, Malkin's glaucoma, Erik Karlsson getting his hair caught in the Dyson bladeless fan, etc. But the biggest storyline has to be the feud between mega superstar Sidney Crosby and disheveled Sens owner Eugene Melnyk.
Melnyk had a few choice words for Sid on Toronto Sports Radio the day after Sid took Methot's finger and innocence. Melnyk was all like "That little FACK should be suspended for life. And you know what else? HE SHOULD GO TO JAIL. AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? WHY HAVEN'T WE SOLD OUT EVERY SINGLE GAME THIS YEAR?? IT'S BULLSHIT". He also called Sid a crybaby. Sidney Crosby held a press conference where he wanted to state that he was not a crybaby and that Eugene should mind his business, but he broke down in the middle and had to be escorted to the back. And then guess what happened yesterday?
As the elevator door opened, Sidney stepped in and hit floor 202. The doors began to close when a man yelled "HOLD THAT DOOR! Crosby forced the door open, and in came none other than Eugene Melnyk. Crosby's face turned bright red, and Eugene backed sheepishly into the corner. The elevator started to go up and there was dead silence.
Finally, Eugene says, "So, you see the Blue Jays game last night?" Crosby perked up and says, "Hell of a game. Hell of a game". It went silent for a bit with the elevator music in the background. Melnyk looks at his watch when suddenly Crosby says, "You know what Eugene? YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE." Surprised at the outburst, Melnyk gets right in Sid's face and screams, "YOU DON'T SAY THAT TO ME. YOU'RE NOTHING, I OWN AN NHL FRANCHISE. YOU OWN SHIT. TEST ME.....TEST ME." Sidney backs away and says, "all right, all right, take it easy."
The elevator climbs past the 22nd floor, the 23rd floor, the 24th floor and Melnyk sighs, "Geez, you'd think with all the technology we have nowadays, they could build a quicker elevator?" Crosby says, "Couldn't agree more, this is a pretty slow elevator. Where did they buy it? At K-MART?". Melnyk starts laughing and says, "That's so true. K-MART has gone bankrupt and is therefore a terrible department store. Good one." But then Crosby gets right in Melnyk's face and screams, "ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME?? I WILL SUCKER PUNCH YOU IN THE STOMACH AND YOU WILL FEEL A PAIN INDESCRIBABLE TO THE HUMAN BRAIN." Melnyk puts up his hands, "Whoa, whoa, I was agreeing with you!!"
The elevator is now passing floor 101. Crosby is looking through his phone and suddenly goes "WOW....ground beef on for sale $8.99lb at Sobeys this week." Melnyk lifts his eyebrows, "You can't beat prices like that. Great deal for meat." Sidney nods and also says, "You know what I noticed though? I never see Drumsticks for sale?" This enrages Melnyk and he puts Crosby in a headlock. "HOW FACKING DARE YOU? I GREW UP ON A CHICKEN FARM AND CHICKENS ARE NOT FOR SALE. GO TO SLEEP....Go to sleep....." Crosby, grasping for air chokes, "I MEANT THE ICE CREAM CONES. THE ONES WITH THE CHOCOLATE AT THE TIP AND PEANUTS ON TOP." Melynk, feeling embarrassed, releases Crosby from the sleeper-hold and says, "Geez Sid, sorry about that. Huge overreaction on my part."
The elevator finally reaches the 202nd floor, and both gentleman shake hands. Eugene Melnyk says, "Good luck to you," and begins to walk out. Sidney Crosby nods once, "and to you, sir." Crosby felt very BOLD in that moment as the elevator doors were separating the men and yells, "I HOPE YOU LOSE BECAUSE YOU GUYS SUCK REALLY BAD!!" Crosby suddenly realizes, this was his floor too. "Oh SHIT.." The cops had to come.