The Ottawa Senators have pulled off the improbable by beating the heavily favoured New York Rangers. When Pageau scored the empty net goal, the entire city of Ottawa erupted in elation. Up to this point, I feel Sens fever hadn't quite reached a boiling point, but that all changed last night, for the good....and the bad.
As soon as the final buzzer sounded, Sens fan poured out onto the street chanting "WE WANT CUP, WE WANT CUP". One fan yelled "HEY GUYS, WE ARE STANDING ON THE ROAD, WE NEED TO RESPECT THE RULES AND ALLOW MOTOR VEHICLES TO PASS" The fans continued their celebration on the sidewalks and as time went on, more and more people wearing Sens red showed up. Someone suggested "HEY, WE SHOULD GO TO DUNNS AND GET A SMOKED MEAT SANDWICH?" Everyone screamed "YEAHHHHH" so they marched to Dunns.
When they were finished and had full bellys, they again spilled outside onto the sidewalks. Some guy named Louis goes "I NEVER WANT THIS NIGHT TO END, I WANT TO MEET THE SENATORS IN PERSON AND SCREAM AT THEM IN A PEACEFUL MATTER TO SHOW MY RESPECT". Everyone started chanting "WE WANT BLOOD WE WANT BLOOD". It was off putting to say the least, and the crowd marched to the airport to meet their heroes.
On the plane, the Sens players enjoyed a nice tea while Kenny G played on the speakers. "What a night huh Guy? I can't wait to get home and relax for a little" said Mike Hoffman. "It's the middle of the night, yet I know I won't sleep, due to the adrenaline of winning the game" said Dion Phaneuf.
Guy Boucher then stood up and said "Boys.....there are reports that say fans may be at the airport to greet us. This is the fruits of your labour. Enjoy this....but know this: DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH ANYONE AND I MEAN ANYONE. DON'T TEST ME ON THIS". The players looked puzzled. Erik Condra stands up and says "What could possibly happen coach? Ottawa is the most peaceful country in the world?". Immediately Guy Boucher tackled Condra and the boys had to drag him off. "YOU KNOW NOTHING CONDRA. YOU KNOW NOTHING. YOU WANNA KNOW HOW I GOT THESE SCARS??? I'LL TELL YOU. IT WAS FR........" A loud voice cut off Boucher over the intercom. It was the pilot, and he said "Good morning ladies and gentleman, we are 2 minutes away from landing in beautiful Ottawa City. The temperature is -7.....that can't be right? We have clear skies and we will be landing momentarily. Thank you for flying Con-Air.....LOL JUST KIDDING. I'm not Nick Cage. My name is Nick though, randomly".
As the plane touched down and came to a stop, a dark shadow was casted over the jet. "What is that coach.....is that wild dogs??" asked Tom Pyatt. "That....is people. EVERYBODY GET DOWN!" screamed Boucher. The fans had surrounded the plane and began rocking it back and forth. Ryan Dzingel couldn't believe what was happening. "This must be what it's like to be Justin Bieber!!" he says. Immediately, Guy Boucher tackles him.
There was only one way to get through the crowd without being noticed: they had to wear Sens fan memorabilia in order to look like them and smell like them. As they walked through the crowd, they kept their heads down. It was working, the crowd just thought they were part of them. And then it started raining. The smell began to wear off the players and the scents of expensive colognes began to waft through the crowd. Fans started sniffing the players to get a closer look. And then it happened: Marc Methot made eye contact.
The details regarding what happened next are hazy, but the NHL Playoffs have been cancelled and there will be a press conference this morning with further details.