Here's the scoop: I disappeared for a few days to find myself. After Ottawa lost to Winnipeg on Saturday, the whole country was laughing at us, specifically me. My friend Ron called me and said "You and your team are choke jobs and you actually deserve to die young". I snapped. I took off running in the clothes I was wearing and found a small cave in the great forest of Kanata and I slept there. I did a lot of reflecting and I realized something. I realized that people who said I should die because of a hockey game are wrong.
It is all doom and gloom around Sens land these days but if they beat Detroit tonight, all will be okay(ish). But if they lose, then the whole City will burn right to the ground. This may be the most important game in the history of the franchise tonight. And guess who they bring in to save the day? COLIN WHITE. A rookie. This is a little fucky. Ottawa is going to miss the playoffs aren't they? You know what though? It's not my fault. It's the fault of:
@bonksmullet : He said at the beginning of the year "Ottawa will do really well all season and then blow it in the final month of the season". You A-Hole. Why are you always right? You could have kept it to yourself but NO
@Senschirp : Mister positive has been saying the right things all season but 3 weeks ago he lost his cool on Twitter and said the F word. Bad karma, and the team has been in a free fall since. No one even knows his real name. Is it Carlos? Who knows
@wtyky : the funniest Sens blogger I know, but he wasn't so funny when he decided to move away from North America so that he could collect Pogs. He gave up on the Sens. And he gave up on all of you
@6thSens : earlier in the year, he made a deal with an unknown group that if he got 10,000 followers, he'd make sure the Sens wouldn't make the playoffs. How is he doing it? Who knows...maybe he has dark powers?
@CallumFraser18 : the other day, he invited me out for dinner. Everything was going perfect until the bill came. HE MADE ME PAY FOR IT. AND HE ORDERED DUCK CONFIT. FRIGGING $100. YOU PRICK
@ian_mendes : It's your fault for reporting the news. Maybe if the citizens of Ottawa didn't know the plight of the team, then we wouldn't be so angry. Think about it