The Ottawa Senators wiped the floor with the Boston Bruins in the 1st Round thanks in large part to Erik Karlsson's dominating performance. After the series wrapped, Erik stated to a stunned reporter that his heel was shattered into 15 different pieces in the 5th last game of the season. How did he play with that? And not only that, how did he skate like Pavel Bure, Sergei Fedorov, and Guy Lafleur made a baby??? There has to be more to this story because it just doesn't add up. When my Granny went over the handle bars of her skidoo, her lifeless body went right through the wall of the Legion, and she couldn't walk for months. Luckily, I have the best researcher in the WORLD, Chad The Researcher, and he has the scoop
Erik Karlsson was in a deep sleep, deeper than he would have ever imagined. He was dreaming about playing Dragon Warrior on Nintendo. A loud bang kept ringing in his ear and the cave he was exploring collapsed in on him. He awoke and sat up immediately. Someone was knocking on the door at 2am. Karlsson grabbed his Louisville Slugger. "WHO IS IT, TELL ME WHO IT IS OR I'M COMING OUT SWINGING!" he yelled. "Meatball! It's me! André.....André Petersson!" said the man behind the door.
Flashback to 1995, Erik and André met in Kindergarten and both knew they'd be BFF's forever. They did everything together: played hockey, baseball, soccer, and even dated the same girls. But Erik and André drifted apart not long after Erik made the NHL. André had a cup of tea in the NHL but couldn't hack it, and Petersson soon became extremely jealous of Erik's success and fame. André started hanging out with a bad crowd, including known trouble maker Erik Condra. They started staying up past bed time and even smoked cigarettes. Karlsson quickly started to keep his distance from André at the advice of Chris Phillips. It all culminated when Karlsson picked up the morning newspaper and saw André on the front page. He had eaten the world record amount of KFC chicken. Karlsson ended the relationship. How dare André? He knew it was Karlsson's dream to hold the record of KFC drumsticks and buns eaten in one sitting.
"What are you doing here André? I have a game tomorrow. It's late" asked a nervous Karlsson. "I miss you man, I just want to catch up. Please, come and have one Pepsi with me. I promise just one, no hamburgers" pleaded Petersson. Erik Karlsson knew André wouldn't leave him alone until he had a Pepsi with him, so he went with him to the closest Beckers.
"There's something I want to show you Erik" said André. Suddenly, with two quick jumps, Petersson was on the Beckers roof. "I'm a professional parkour artist now" said André. Erik was so impressed but he didn't want to show Petersson that he thought that. "Big deal, anyone with calfs can do that" he said defiantly. "Okay, then prove it......do a triple kick off the wall and land on the roof" laughed Petersson. Erik was nervous because he knew he couldn't back up what he said. But he couldn't back down. So he went for it. Erik became airborne and it seemed he was flying. "I'm doing it André I'M DOING IT" exclaimed Karlsson. But when he looked over at Petersson, he was already calling 911. Erik knew he was in trouble the moment he came headfirst down off the roof. "OMG MY HEEL, IT HAS TWO HAIRLINE FRACTURES" screamed Erik. "HELP ME PETERSSON HELP ME". But André took off running down the street.
At that moment, Erik Karlsson promised to himself that not matter the injury, he will become an NHL Playoff legend, and lead the Senators to a Stanley Cup victory. The whereabouts of André Petersson is unknown. But rumour has it that he is cooking at a KFC and having free chicken because he is staff.