Tonight, the Sens have a tough task ahead of them as they take on the overrated Pittsburg Penguins. "Overrated bRian? ARE YOU MENTAL?" you may ask. But hear me out: They have like only 18 really good players, not 22 like you should have. And they only have 5 Superstars. Big deal. Ottawa has.....1? Are you serious right now Chad the Researcher?
But I'm here to talk about that infamous game where our saviour Daniel Alfredsson called Sidney Crosby a "little crybaby". I am going to examine the lead up to it but more importantly, the mayhem that ensued.
It was Game 1 of the 2007 Divisional Playoffs. Sens vs Pens. Penguins were an up and coming team made up of mostly other team's rejects. And Ottawa was the greatest team in the league for like the 20th time in a row. First shift of the game, Crosby tries to take a pass but the Big Rig Chris Phillips intercepts and passes it up to Schaefer who scores a beautiful goal. As the team was celebrating, Sidney Crosby yelled "NOT FAIRRRRRRRRRRRRR" and then he lay face first on the ice. He refused to move. The ref was like "What's going on here?". Mario Lemieux was requested to leave the press box to come down and talk with Sid. Sidney refused to get up. "My life is so UNFAIR MARIO. WHY DID HE TAKE THE PASS FROM ME?". And then Sidney started kicking his legs up and down screaming "I HATE YOUUUU" to no one in particular. Mario Lemieux goes "Sidney, if you get up, I'll get you a nice Blizzard Treat from DQ". Crosby kinda pretended that he wasn't interested, but he really was. "Like what kind Mario? Oreo Fudge?". "Sure Sidney, whatever you would like". Crosby slowly got to his feet, and started skating towards the bench.
And then it happened: Alfredsson goes "You're a crybaby Sidney Crosby". The benches cleared on both teams and a crazy scrap started to take place. "Crosby skated like the wind towards the net and flipped it on top of himself so that no one could get at him. "I'M NOT LEAVING THIS ARENA UNTIL ALFIE APOLOGIZES. AND I'M SERIOUS MARIO, I WANT MY FUCKING DQ OREO BLIZZARD, EXTRA LARGE, NOT SNACK SIZE LIKE LAST TIME".
Finally, the game had to be cancelled as it just got too ridiculous. And then, Mario came in like a hero with the extra Large blizzard. A smile lit up Sid's face and he licked his lips with anticipation. And then Crosby did the Blizzard turn-over test. And the ice cream fell to the ground in a big clump of shit. The tears just started flowing and he screams "NO FAIRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" The end.