Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone. I want to tackle a touchy subject today, and that is the ever burning question of: Is Kyle Turris Irish? Of course, everyone assumes he is because his name has some of the letters from the word Irish, Kyle TurRIS. Did that just blow your mind? Because it just blew my mind. I didn't even realize it until I was already writing the article. Holy SHIATE. Maybe Kyle Turris is actually from Ireland? Oh my I need to sit down. I need to rethink this whole thing. You see, I was coming on here to tell you that in fact, Kyle Turris is Canadian. And Chad showed me proof, but now i'm starting to think Chad messed up. I think Kyle Turris is Irish....
Okay, let's break it down a bit:
- Kyle Turris is from planet earth, meaning he has a 1 in 196 chance that he's from Ireland
- Whenever anyone straight up asks if he's from Ireland, he says "No". But he doesn't elaborate on it....strange
- Last year, Turris bent the side of his leg perpendicular to the rest of his body and he kept on playing. I saw full-grown men in the crowd puking their guts out, yet Turris is okay? I don't know about you, but that's pure LUCK
- One time I snuck inside the CTC and Kyle Turris was river dancing by himself at Center Ice, and he was just given'r
- In Gaelic, the word Turris literally means "I am from Ireland" in English
I feel I have just proven my theory, a theory I have had written in my notebook for the past 10 years. The only thing now is for Kyle to come right out and say it. Say it Kyle Turris. Say you're from Ireland. I know you read this.