Yesterday, Sens Twitter went into full melt down mode and there wasn't even a game being played. Actually there was; a game of breaking hearts. Specifically Bobby Ryan's heart. And he has had ENOUGH, as he up and quit Twitter. Some harmful things were said like, "He should play better at hockey" and "I can't believe he likes margerine more than butter". Although, he probably didn't even notice since he's blocked at least 90% of us just for asking things like what kind of chips he likes, what brand of toilet paper he uses to wipe, or what numbers his SIN card ends with. Standard questions, IMO but to each an own. But we have to remember, hockey players are humans with human feelings. Well...maybe not robot hockey players. Do those exist yet? One of my biggest fears is robots killing me and then taking my Granny hostage. And then Granny teaches them the human way. And even one of the robots says, "Why can't I cry?"
Ottawa has a rich history of running skilled players out of town: Jason Spezza, Dany Heatley, Daniel Alfredsson, Grant Ledyard, just to name a few. And it's gotta stop!! Listen, Bobby Ryan gets paid more money than any living person in the city of Ottawa. Give the guy a break. He's been hurt this year, a lot, but when healthy, I believe he can help the Senators win a cup. He's still one of the best shooters in the league and he goes to the net like the goalie owes him candy. Just like how Darrell still owes me a Toblerone. From Christmas time. Like...I keep leaving messages and still nothing. It's really rude in my opinion. Those Toblerones aren't cheap you know. It must be the honey nougats.
I hope everyone starts taking it easy on some of these players. Remember, they are better at hockey than all of us. Well, maybe not Jared Cowen........... so, I hope Bobby comes back on Twitter, and stops reading all the hate. Unless of course we're talking about Birthday Cake TimBits. Who in the fuck invented those? He's probably all like "Here's an idea: let's make a donut that no one will ever eat and waste perfectly good sprinkles in it."
Some crazy breaking news: maybe Bobby Ryan didn't quit Twitter like originally reported. My Granny has just been arrested for computer hacking and apparently she was deleting people's accounts and would only give the account back in exchange for some cold Gin. My Granny has played us all. I didn't even know she could use a computer let alone a 4-slice toaster. Stay tuned for more.....OMF