So basically the season is over because of all these injuries and now the Sens can focus on tanking for Matthews. In the spirit of injuries, I thought it was prudent of me to share with you the troubles my Granny has had throughout her life and the misery she has bestowed upon us and humanity. I present her top 5 injuries:
5. One Thanksgiving, we were all at the table and Granny was carving the turkey. And that's when we heard the truck come crashing through the wall. Uncle Steve had lost control of his pickup and went through the house going 90. The truck pinned granny under the wheel and we knew she was in trouble when her eyes rolled back and blood came out her mouth.
4. When I was 4, Granny brought me and my brother to Vanier for a hike. I remember her saying "I think we're lost boys". And that's when the bear mauled her pretty good. She saved us though because she took her wooden leg and beat him with it.
3. My Granny dropped the ceremonial puck at a Sens game (or Cornwall game?). She refused to drop the puck and gave the crowd the finger. That's when she lost her footing and did the splits, shattering her hip in four different places. Since she was wearing a mic, everyone heard the sound of bones snapping in half, people just crying.
2. The time she intentionally electrocuted herself hardcore so that she didn't have to go to my graduation because she said "FUCK EDUCATION"
1. At the legion, Granny took a dart directly in the eye and then proceeded to attack Sheila. When she got up to order another rye, the eyeball was dangling a good 3 feet from her face. She just wraps it around her head now. No biggie.