my chocolate bar review

this is it. 2 years in the making. my definitive chocolate bar review. before i start, i just want to thank a lot of people for their help and patience on this incredible journey. and to my wife, i know this was hard on you, with a lot of sleepless nights. but i hope you agree, it was all worth it in the end. thank you for staying by my side. you knew how much this meant to me. you knew...chocolate bars were my destiny...let's begin

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lets start off with reese peanut butter cups: just pure peanut butter heaven. the moment you take your first bite, you forget who you are. this pack comes with 3 little delights. my only criticism is that 3 just isn't enough. and look at that packaging. simple, yet elegant. all i know is that when i open a pack, my granny starts drooling....but they're just too good to share

as a side note, after trying each chocolate bar, i cleanse my palette with delicious RC cola. the acid is so strong in this beverage that it eliminates anything left over in your mouth making for a fair and non judgemental review. warning: one time i drank 4 bottles and blacked out and woke up in arnprior. i was so scared

snickers: for this one, i had to wear a blind fold, because i've eaten so many in my life that it would be hard to accurately rate it. when i took that first bite, i let out a wail so loud that it shattered the sunroof causing dangerous shards of glass to come crashing down on the whole team. gary, the light guy, was cut pretty bad. anyways, i screamed because it was just too darn good. caramel, peanuts and a wonderful nugget. perfection

here's a candid shot of me between takes. look at the focus. i'm having such a great time. also, check out that wolf shirt. gorgeous 

caramilk: wow, cadbury does it again. when you take your first bite, make sure you're wearing a bib because you'll get drenched in caramel. but as for the secret on how they get the caramel in the bar: don't pursue it. my friend paul swears he found the ancient secret, and he hasn't been seen or heard from again

mr.big: holy smokes. after this bar, my tummy starting going all crazy. i think it's a good bar....but i may have over done it a bit. i guess if i had a do-over, i'd just try samples of each one instead of two whole ones each. mr. big has a good crunch and all...but.... my gut....

taking a break here. the rc cola is starting to take effect. so good

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kit-kat: like a pro, i move on. and what a bar to move on to. with 4 equal, yet vastly different pieces, just when you think your done out pops another. like the commercials say, it's an excellent choice of snack you have when you're on break from work. the only thing that sucks though is when you walk back in and you get fired..

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ok, now the rc cola is just peeling the skin inside my mouth. couple of canker sores are forming for sure

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crunchie: pretty good, but this is the bar that caused my granny to lose all her teeth. just pure unforgiving honeycomb toffee crunch, the teeth had no chance.

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twix-: two perfect cookie tablets here. this is the bar that was responsible for teaching me the french language. i read that wrapper over and over and now i know that, in fact, "biscuitees" mean "awesome" in french

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not gonna lie, i straight choked in this picture...i'm good though. man, that rc cola.

continuing with the review... i just can't do this anymore....

ok no wait i'm good. Skor: buttery toffee crunch enrobed in rich milk chocolate. that's all i got.

big turk: perfectly good chocolate ruined by big red glob of shit.

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ok, i'm just gonna dump the rest of this cola due to the internal bleeding

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mars bar: silky and smooth and it packs a punch. of all the bars, this one has the highest amount of butter. the size makes it the perfect choice to sneak into senators games. but one time, i tripped going up the stairs and out flew 20 mars bars. and security dragged me out of there right quick

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i couldn't throw it out, i just couldn't. i just love rc cola so much that i'll risk permanent damage. but the burn..........

oh'henry: as you all know, this one tops my charts. but to be honest i'm going off memory because i'm about to right puke.

eatmore: eatmore? never heard of it. let's take a try....

ok here we go...

what the...

aggghhhhhhhhHHHHHHHH

HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE