ways to save money

everyone is feeling the pinch these days, but don't you worry america, follow these steps and you'll be laughing all the way to retirement

1) instead of spending money on king sized bars, just get two regular ones. 

2) when you're really broke, but you need nachos no matter what, wait till your granny is passed out in the ditch drunk, and then go to her purse and straight steal money

3) make your own hotdogs. simple really: take any old meats in the fridge and just grind pickles and mustard into them. the pickles will make the meat last for weeks. except one time my cousin freddy ate one and he puked and lost his sense of sight...so...

4) when your underwear has holes in them, make sweat rags out of them and just go in the nude. the only thing though is make sure you wear a belt because if your pants fall while you're waiting for a bus and your things are showing, some people take off running and some people call the cops.

5) just don't bathe.

6) become a fan of the habs and pretend you like your neighbour so that he'll let you watch his tv. but at the end of the season, straight sucker punch him and yell "go sens" 

7) only eat half moons for a full year. they are literally half the size of full moons so i think that means they are half the price? 

8) watch titanic over and over again because every time it gets better. 

9) switch from salami to mock chicken. frig though it's greasy but it's all about sustenance at that point.

10) if you're bleeding, i think you just got to get your granny to stitch you up, even though she's cross-eyed. one time she stitched up a cut on my dad and the infection only lasted 3 months, so she's pretty good.