Reasons My Dog Attacks Me

5- For fun, I walk up behind him, and I scare the living shit out of him. Out of being scared, I guess he tries to protect himself because he just goes to town on me. Bites, scratches, you name it.

4- When he's eating, I yell " HEY WHISKERS, LOOK OVER THERE", and as he looks I start eating his food. He gives me this look like he's saying "Thanks, i've been waiting a long time for this", and he just goes to town on me. That's the time I lost my big toe.

3- The time he had rabies, he attacked me for no reason whatsoever, so i'm not sure what that was about.

2- When I called his friend "Little Shit Head", he defended his honor by giving me the beating of a life time. That is the time he dragged me into a field and actually tried to bury me. Scary stuff

1- Granny used to train Whiskers to fetch her a beer from the fridge. But when there were no beers left, because Granny lost track, she lost it. She yelled "KILL", which I guess was a command to the dog, because I was badly injured that day. It took a fire hose to finally get Whiskers off me, and Granny locked her self in her room for a week, probably out of shame.